Ouch

I'm abusing my mouth. On Tuesday, I ate so many salted sunflower seeds that I gave myself salt blisters on my lips and tongue. On Wednesday, I binged on.... a shit-ton of stuff, many of which was scratchy and tore up my gums. About an hour ago, I purged violently, and my throat and salt blisters are on fire. Worst thing: my roommate walked in while I was purging. I didn't even get everything out, and the room has a slight stench of vomit. I swear, she knows about my ED.

I fucking hate food right now. Fucking hate it. I wish I could go life without needing to think or come into contact with it ever again. It's damn vile stuff. But because of how this stupid body works, I'm forever forced to ingest this poison.

I'm going to wait a few hours and have a damn salad or cooked vegetables. I want something light, something clean. I want to rid myself of all this vile stuff.

I'll write up a meal plan that I can actually follow, something that isn't dictated by my nutritionist. The whole seeing a nutritionist just gave me anxiety about my eating, which made me purge much more than before. Follow a strict regime that's a compromise of what she wants and what I want, and hopefully go a week binge and purge free.