Dang. I suck.

In terms of food, I have such horrible impulses. Like, HOLY CRAP WHY DID YOU JUST INGEST 65 GUMMY WORMS FOR A WHOPPING 2100 CALORIES WITHIN THE LAST HALF HOUR? Seriously! That's 1.3 POUNDS OF PURE SUGAR I INGESTED.

The smell of sugar is nauseating to me. Probably due to purging after binging on them countless times over the last few weeks. Usually, if I binge on gummy foods, it takes me four times as long to ingest that amount of gummies.

This is the same thing that happened to cereal almost a year ago. I binge on so much of it for such a short amount of time that now I can't stand the concept of eating cereal. Thinking about it makes me retch.

It's quite peculiar how my list of food aversions grows over the years. Here's a brief list and how it happened in no particular order:

• Jelly beans - ate an entire bag in one afternoon one summer in middle school. Ended up puking about two hours later.
• Cereal - Ate an entire 4 boxes in three days. Stomach and gut felt horrible.
• Apples - an apple was my entire lunch for about two years in high school. I hate eating them, but I will still force myself to eat them like a parent who forces kids to eat spinach.
• Cheese - Ate half a block of marble jack cheese on an empty stomach. I felt nauseous (didn't throw up) for about 18 hours afterwards. Can no longer eat cheese alone, but I can eat it with bread or crackers.
• Gummy worms (or other shapes) - Read first paragraph. Eating over a pound of that stuff in less than half an hour.
• Juice - When I realized that I ingested 800 Cal from lemonade during one family outing.
• Milk - Was eating the 4 boxes of cereal as mentioned earlier with milk. It's now only an ingredient for cooking.
• Instant ramen noodles - Eating four cooked blocks right before bed. Stomach was foul in the morning.
• Peanuts/mixed nuts - Eating a 5 pound jar of mixed nuts within 5 days.
• Potato chips - Eating almost an entire family-sized bag in one sitting. Self-loathing got me there.
• Muffins - Periodically, I'd eat a pre-packaged muffin for lunch in high school. And then I found mold growing inside, and I can't consider eating them anymore.
• Frosting - When I baked a cake, I had about a cup of frosting leftover. I didn't eat anything for about 12 hours, and then ate it all. Stomach wasn't pleased.
• Oreos - Shortly after the frosting incident, I could no longer bring myself to eat the frosting of oreos. I can still eat the cookie part, but I feel guilty for wasting all that frosting.

For a while, yogurt, peanut butter, and white bread were on there. I have overcome most of the food aversion reactions (like nausea), but I still tend to avoid them. Greek yogurt is actually sour enough that I can eat it without a problem, but I still have some hesitance for the regular, sweetened yogurt.

Hopefully, tomorrow I will be in complete control of myself and will avoid this tragedy in the future.

And Here's a Counter Example...

...to the previous blog post.

I've ended up not posting at all during the first semester of college, the entire winter break, and an entire six weeks into the second semester. Mostly, it's because I was too stressed to do anything during the first semester, too bored and lazy during winter break, and too depressed during the start of the second semester. And now, I have the determination and conviction to pick up my blog from where I left it.

I've had a running with a weight plateau, and I'm absolutely determined to break through it. My plan of action is based on the following rules:

1.  No more sugar. My sugar cravings and binges have gotten out of hand again, and I need a period to detox from the sugar spikes. This includes (but isn't limited to) gummy worms, ice cream, cookies, muffins, chocolates, brownies, pies, cupcakes, and candies.
2. Go for the most protein-dense dish or a salad. I often run into the "All the food options are bad for me" mentality, and end up spending 5-10 minutes staring at the different stations, knowing I need to eat something so my friends won't comment on an empty food tray. This rule should help my indecisive mind to get something I won't regret later.
3. No more den-food. Den food is rejected food from fellow floormates that don't want to throw it away. The food is usually chips, popcorn, yucky candy, a slice of pizza, or other high calorie foods. The ONLY acceptable den food is fruit or wholesomely cooked dishes (both rare occurrences). I'm going to absolutely hate this rule since it's banning me from free food, and free food is the best on my college-budget.
4. No eating four hours before bed. If cravings hit after 9pm, chew gum, drink water or tea, or exercise. Chewing and tea will give flavor, water and tea will give fullness, and exercise will relieve stress and make me sleepy.
5. No snacks during study group. Everyone can see all the food you eat, and it would be horrible to trigger a binge in front of them. Gum or sunflower seeds instead before caving in to the pressure.
6. Sunflower seeds for salt-cravings. They take a long time to eat, making it tough to binge on. Plus, binging/over eating them causes salt-blisters on the lips, which become painful enough to want to stop eating for a few hours.
7. Drink water! When I wake up, around noon, before dinner, and before bed. Two cups each time, and I should meet my daily intake easily.
8. SLEEP. Insomnia and binging go hand in hand. Sleep will help my mind stay awake and alert in academics. It will also help my body recharge after workouts.

There may be more rules added, but these address my downfalls and provide solutions. Other than that, I plan on a 1000Cal cap on my daily intake, and won't punish myself unless I go over 1600 (Which is supposedly my BMR, although I'm absolutely positive convinced it is too high for me). Punishment means brushing teeth with the yucky (but thorough) toothpaste. On days that I go below the SGD calorie cap, I earn sushi the following day. I absolutely love the vegetable sushi, but it's quite expensive. I never know when I should have it, or at least when I deserve something so wonderful--this will fix that.

Well, I'll post when I have the chance. Hopefully, the stress doesn't get to me and I can notice a change by the end of the month.