I Feel Like A Dwarf

When I woke up today, I was thinking, "hey! I should create an actual exercise routine instead of just blindly running and weight lifting when I feel like it." So I hopped onto the internet and googled exercises for women, and the first link took me to a website that provided different exercise routines based on body type. I wasn't sure what body type I had, so I did google search upon google search until I did practically every type of body-related quiz or calculator out there.

Accurate representation of me

My results: pear-shaped, thick-framed, endomorph. My interpretation: fat-assed, stocky, lazy body. Like a plump, thick, fluffy abomination of human flesh. And since I'm short, I feel like some ugly dwarf or garden gnome. Plus, all of these traits are basically considered "genetic," meaning no matter WHAT I do, I can't fix it. I'm stuck as a butt-ugly dwarf.

I mean, as a short person, I like to be compared to things like a "pixie" or "fairy." They're given feminine qualities, a delicate feel. They're described as mysterious, magical, and playful (sometimes even devious). Something that I want to be. Something that I want to identify with. Not this war-crazed, dirty, earthly dwarf. I don't want to be associated with a creature that hides away underground, happily digging tunnels and mining ore.

The other two, pear-shaped body and endomorph, I don't care as much. I've already concluded that I'll never be able to eat a cheeseburger without it going straight to my thighs. I'm used to being hungry, so having a "slow metabolism" feels like an inconvenience to me attaining my goal. And I don't give a sh!t about my fat distribution. It could be all on my ass, stomach, or boobs and I'd still want it all gone. And I know that with enough starving, it eventually will.

I'm trying to comfort myself by thinking of the positives of being "big boned." With thick bones, I can probably take more of a beating than other girls my size while sword fighting. Or that I'll look skinnier or bonier at a higher weight. But I don't care about seeming "skinny" or "bony." I just want to physically have less mass, have the stupid scale read the beautiful number "89lbs". And my stupid bones are getting in the way of that dream.