SICK >:(

I hate being sick. It keeps me in bed or on the couch away from my computer. I've been ill for the last week with a burning throat, headaches, stuffy nose and sinuses, and shivers. I despise every second of it. Especially since the last time I was sick, last October, I received the most painful ear ache that left me deaf of my right ear for about 3 weeks, though it still lingered. That was horrible, especially since I am a pianist, been one all my life, and am quickly bothered by dissonance and off-key sounds--and everything sounded like that for those 3 weeks!

But enough ranting about illnesses. Multiple holidays passed, many more in the next few days, and it should be a time of joy, or at least content. My family celebrates Christmas, so I naturally did my gift shopping on the 23rd. I felt proud when I finished with $10 left from my budget, and I'm thankful of what people gave me for Christmas. I only wish Christmas dinner went differently.

My mom had the lovely idea of seafood to celebrate. It started with shrimp appetizers and clam chowder while we wait for our entree to finish cooking. Shrimp is nearly irresistible to me, especially if I've only eaten a handful of grapes that day. I had the will to avoid the clam chowder, but my mom insisted I try it.

For the entree, we had what felt like a delicacy, baked snow crab. It was delicious, but I felt full before it was even served. Unfortunately, my family has the custom of never refusing food, so I couldn't refuse eating it. My tongue was glad, but my stomach and mind were furious. Especially when my parents offered my brother and I the last crab leftover. I shouldn't have eaten it, I didn't want to eat it, but I still ended up eating an extra quarter of a crab.

I felt nauseous. I was laying on my side for a few minutes after clearing my plate with horrible thoughts circling my head. "You're such a glutton!" "Why didn't you just say you're full?" "This will make you even fatter!" "Just purge it." I was arguing with myself trying to convince myself not to run to the bathroom. "That's a disgusting habit. Don't start it!" "You deserve your stomach pain for losing control of yourself." "Glutton sinners like you deserve to suffer." I couldn't take it. I did go to the bathroom, and tasted the bitterness of my decision.

The next day, my cough, runny nose, and other symptoms of a cold/flu struck with all their might, and I attempted to sleep for about 2-3 days straight. I'm feeling 80% recovered right now, and I'm counting the hours until I'm completely symptom free.

The last two days led to eating "forbidden" foods, or "taboo" foods such as cereal, chocolate, and marshmallows. The main bathroom no longer works, and it contains the only scale in the house. I've been unable to weigh myself for nearly a week, and felt anxious. I finally had a chance, and currently weigh 120.4lbs. At night. When I saw that number (and was expecting 123.something), I felt elated and nearly danced around the house. If I see 119.something at night at the start of the new year, I feel like I've accomplished at least something.

Happy holidays, readers. This is skkai signing out.