Well, That Was Triggering.

So, my mom is now starting to diet and exercise. I say good for her, especially since she has many weight-related health issues that may disappear after losing some weight. The only problem is that she is going overboard about talking about her diet.

She's pretty much the only person who cooks dinner in the house, so everyone in the house now has to follow her dinner diet plan. I at first was thrilled because now dinners are foods I consider "safe," like chicken, fish, and lots of vegetables and salads. However, she's now starting to preach to everyone in the house about dieting, exercising, and how to lose weight. I already KNOW all that stuff, and can even explain the biological mechanisms involved. I don't want someone to constantly be spewing out dieting tips and tricks ten times a day. It's very triggering, and I DON'T want to think about that stuff any more than I already do.

The worse thing is that she is now telling me that I should lose weight ("You don't say?!"). I already think that. You don't have to tell me every other day, pinching my arm fat IN PUBLIC while saying that. I used to actually like how my arms look, but after that, I absolutely HATE THEM. Thank you, mother. Thank you very much. You're not helping me with my self loathing, especially when telling everyone in the family, "We've joined forces in our dieting efforts."

And asking me a bunch of food or diet related questions was the most painful experience. "What's your food weakness?" "What was your heaviest weight?" "How much do you weigh?" "How long since you've last exercised?" Every single question brought up feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy. I just want to be left alone, left to my own devices with food. Since the end of the spring semester, I've not binged/purged at all. I've actually been able to eat "forbidden" food like cereal without guilt. But because of your words, mother, I've mentally beaten myself up and resorted to hard-core restricting.

The crazy part of me is thankful, because I now have the strength and determination to follow a 500-Cal or less per day plan. But the sane part of me (lol I have a sane part?) is cursing you for instigating unhealthy behaviors again.